it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
