So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
