ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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