redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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