Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
