For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
