im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
