Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
