ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
