I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I AM VODKA MAN
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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