put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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