woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
