Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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