I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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