I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
