Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
