he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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