So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
