dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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