Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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