...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
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I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize