I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
