when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
