hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Houston, we have a blender
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
