She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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