Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I forget how to act sober
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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