Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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