Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize