I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
