you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
