Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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