i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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