We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
