I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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