she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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