I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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