It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
