awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
