we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
