Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
