I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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