How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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