My room smells like vodka and shame
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
