singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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