just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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