I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
wow bdsm is so cute
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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