I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Randomize
