it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
