we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
