I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
