You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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