I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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