i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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