I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
