i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
