I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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