As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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