i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
