So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
