Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
