I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
