He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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