the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
