don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
