I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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